i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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