Umm I'm too high to move.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
