he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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