I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And then my night got REAL pukey
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
