well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
