yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
