U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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