he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
