I'm jealous of your bromance
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
