Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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