If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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