I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
