I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
