Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
