I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
