i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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