you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize