so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
