Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
