He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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