i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
