Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
