Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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