3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
