What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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