Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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