sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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