I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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