So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
