Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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