Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
