my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
