I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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