I faked an abortion last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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