I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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