first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Randomize
