your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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