Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
