you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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