I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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