After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no, he came in my armpit
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
