one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
