By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
