alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
