Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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