I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
