Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
