She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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