Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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