If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
