DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
