Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
